GRIEF IS THE WORD, IS THE WORD THAT YOU HEARD
I am still trying to get used to the idea of blogging every day. I am learning that I should stop and write as soon as I am aware I am passionate about something. Or in the case of today, feeling something acutely. It has been a melancholy day, reminding me of that verse in Ecclesiastes: ...(there is a)" time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance" (Ecclesiastes 3:4).
This morning it was all grief -- just an overwhelming sense of sadness over the loss of my job. I have been dreaming a lot about my former workplace. Sometimes it is a stressful dream, sometimes more pleasant. It just continues to be on my mind and subconscious mind. Maybe because there has been little closure.
The hardest parts for me have been the ending of relationships. When people get laid off I think everyone chooses sides. Partly for reasons of self-preservation some employees side with the boss because they want their own jobs to be more secure, feel more secure. So friendships end abruptly. And I miss that day to day contact with those coworkers. We were a part of one another's lives for 8 years.
Plus I think there is the very human response of wanting to know that you are missed. That your productivity and contributions are missed. But you don't see those people anymore so it proves difficult to access that information. And then there is the fear of what if you are not missed?
Thankfully I don't relive the ending over and over. The grief isn't tied up in remorse or wishing I had done things differently. I'm not second guessing myself. But I probably am still second guessing the decisions of the boss and others.
I have always heard that for adults losing a job is one of the most stressful things you can go through. Right up there with having your spouse die and being forced to speak in public. (I love public speaking so that one doesn't stress me out). So I get that the grief is normal, even healthy. But for how long? And at what intensity? I would imagine you would move on from grief over a job much more quickly than grief over the death of a loved one. Still I am stuck in the grief and ready for the others parts of that Ecclesiastic verse -- the laughing and the dancing.